Language Rules are Made Up, So Make Up Your Own

Stop focusing on speaking “correctly” and instead think about how you speak and why.

Have you ever been having a conversation and suddenly someone interrupts you to correct your grammar or pronunciation? Now your whole train of thought is thrown off? I’m not talking about when you’re practicing a new language and you’ve asked your speaking partner to correct you so you can expand your awareness of grammar or vocabulary. I’m talking about an uninvited language tutor that decides what you said needs to be corrected to fit their understanding of what is “proper”. The person who decides you need to learn, “It isn’t who, it is whom” or if you’re speaking Spanglish “nope, you must choose one language, otherwise, you’re speaking two languages wrong”. Those people will have a hard time with the news I’m about to break. Language rules, they’re all made up. What’s more, they are constantly changing. So my friends, if you are trying to hold on tight to speaking “correctly”, you are in a losing battle. And since that sounds exhausting and I prefer joy, I share with you all wonderful news! Since language rules are made up, you can do the same; and make up your own language rules. I encourage you to stop focusing on speaking “correctly” and instead think about how you speak and why.

To clarify, language rules do exist, what I’m pointing out is that by following them you are not doing anything well and conversely, by breaking them you are not doing anything wrong. Additionally, I agree that rules can be helpful. But I won’t spend too much time detailing how they are because we (as a society) are on board with the notion of rules. So I’ll save my word count for the contrary and helpful point, that language rules can be a blocker to connection and creativity if we give them too much power.

I disagree with the notion that any language must be practiced in a “proper” or “correct” manner to sound educated/professional/appropriate. I, instead, believe there is a wide range of flexibility in what language varieties are “appropriate” or “correct”. Language rules are just agreed-upon norms that can and will change. Therefore, speaking based on dominant language rules does not make you intelligent/proper/superior. But if you go around correcting people for their speech based on your opinion of what is “correct”, it does make you presumptuous/annoying/rude. So let’s start with my case for why we should question language rules and then propose a solution to have more fun with language.

Questioning Language Rules

If there is a “correct” way to speak, why can we read a book from 50 years ago, 100 years ago, and have no idea what they are talking about? I remember reading Beowulf when I was in middle school and we needed to translate a third of it despite it being written in English, a language I was proficient in. If there is a “correct” way to speak, wouldn’t language stay the same over time? And English isn’t the only one that is changing, I have the same trouble when I read in Spanish another language I’m proficient in because all languages are constantly changing (despite any group's resistance to said change).

If there is a “correct” way to speak, why can you find listeners who validate how you speak and understand you without hesitation? And yet, speaking exactly the same way with different listeners you will receive a completely different reaction (perhaps correcting you and trying to shame you for speaking the way you do). In certain groups it is exactly the use of Spanglish that helps me connect most deeply with my peers and in other groups it is the intermingling of the Spanish or English language [Span(ish)(En)glish], that will identify my outsider status.

If there is a “correct” way to speak, why do we feel so awkward speaking with strangers in the same way we speak with family members or close friends? The formality in my tone with strangers is similar to the tone of voice I’d use when speaking to customer service reps on the phone (kind but guarded). Meanwhile, with my family and friends, they get to see and hear my unguarded self (a little too loud and little too familiar, I attribute it to my Puerto Rican upbringing and extroverted mother #sorrynotsorry).

And, even in those instances…

If there is a “correct” way to speak, why can we feel more comfortable talking to some strangers speaking with a more familiar tone than we do with other strangers? With some strangers, especially in the diaspora, all you need to do is hear the way that they pronounce certain words for you to know that there is a shared culture. I would much prefer for someone to hear me speaking in Spanish and say “Tú eres Boricua” than to say “What proper Spanish you have!”. Is it more or less “correct” to hear someone speaking in a way that lets you know they share your culture, or is it more “correct” to pronounce letters according to a third party you have never met?

All of this to say, if there was a “correct” way to speak, why is the “correct” way of speaking constantly changing? And, if it is constantly changing, how are you supposed to know what is and is not correct? As speakers and listeners we are co-creating opportunities for us to determine what the rules are, which is why I say, it's all made up. There are no fixed rules that will achieve the goal of communication in any language. Holding tight to speaking “proper” will let you down because the rules are constantly being written and revised by the speaker and listener in real-time.

So, if rules are made up, why do we even need them? As I mentioned in the beginning, language rules can be useful, especially in achieving the top two objectives of communication, 1) I want to understand others, and 2) I want to be understood by others. Communicating with others will always be a risk. You have to navigate your views of language and how it “should” or “should not” be spoken as well as predict the listener's expectations on how language “should” or “should not” be spoken. To practice some control over uncertainty, we learn rules for our language of choice to be able to say “I know something”. But the reality is that the “something that you know” is ever-changing and not always right. Time, place, and social groups will have a significant impact on how you communicate most effectively. Following someone else’s arbitrary rules without thinking about these details will let you down 100% of the time if you plan on meeting new people, exploring new places, and growing in your language ability.

Therefore, the solution that I propose for you to feel more confident in how you communicate is for you to make up your own language rules. By thinking about how you want to use language (speaking Spanish, English, Spanglish, formally, informally, using slang, code-switching, etc..) and why (to represent my culture, to fit in, to get the job done, etc…) you can 1) use language more creatively, 2) use language to make you feel more confident and comfortable, and 3) use language in a way that is “correct” for you.

What are your thoughts?

Are language rules important to you? Why or why not?

Do you have someone that will find this topic interesting?